we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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