What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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