Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
