I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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