If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
