What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
