It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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