I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
