i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
