sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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