I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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