Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
