I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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