i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
