It's Friday. Sex?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We named our party play list daddy issues
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
