Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
