the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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