How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they need to just BURY HIM!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pants are for mortals
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
