Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize