He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
