He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
