The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
