I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
