how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
