So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
