lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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