cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize