I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
