We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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