Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
