that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
