You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
