How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
