margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
