At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
