you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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