I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
