he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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