Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are the jesus of drinking
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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