i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize