Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
