I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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