I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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