About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
