So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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