community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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