I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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