great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
