i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
