How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
