yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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