People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
