Do you still have your period?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
