i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
