absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
In America we eat man semen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
