you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
