hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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