Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
