With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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