He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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