My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
